HEY READ THIS

Life can get complicated. I don't know how many times I asked God what He was doing. Don't act like I'm crazy.. if your reading this and you honestly feel like you know exactly whats going on in life then please e-mail me so you can pray for me! This is the age where I need to sacrifice the most and at the same time enjoy my youth because like they always say "YOLO". Its been 6 months since anyone has seen my mom and it scares me. Just in case you don't know my mother has been a homeless drug addict my whole life. Unfortunately she haven't received any real help and has only gotten worst as time goes on. Hayward isn't too big of a city and she was always close by. The hard part about this whole thing is she is so close to touch, but at the same exact time she is so far away. She has been the reason why I weep before God for years now. 
If you been at church as much as I have then you know that it is a big deal to pray right? The bible couldn't push prayer enough. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says " pray without ceasing" Like its totally easy right? NOPE. You have to develop a prayer life. 
I personally never got the whole personal prayer life thing down just yet. I've done 24 hour prayer and 90 hour prayers. I've had prayer meetings at my high school compass and in my youth group, but never in my home. For many reasons that were not that great too. 

Prayer is powerful and lucky for me I will have the best prayer life because of my complicated life. 

AHHH you see how I am tying this together? We get all upset because life isn't easy for us, and we want to point fingers at God, and at people. We see our pain and mistake our suffering for weakness right? If that's  you missed it dude. James 1:1 say "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." Why? Because if life was easy for you then I highly doubt you can ever weep before the Lord. I doubt you will pray. My pains today make me strong for tomorrow. Yeah my mother is all jacked up today, but I will never loose hope in God. In my last post I wrote about my dreams and how I was stuck and with prayer God confirmed my hearts desires. 

The Bible says in Philippians 4:6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. 

It wont be easy but I kinda challenge you and myself to pray at least once a week (not on a day when you go to church) by your self and pray about what going on. Be encouraged that your truly not alone and be thankful for the little you have because there is always someone worst off than you. 

I want to created a blog that can help you.. 
What pushes you to pray? Whats so hard about praying? Is there anything that I can pray with you for? To be honest I am pretty much a open book, therefore if there is anything you want to know about me or what I believe in then please don't be lazy or scared just ask me and I will do my best to answer your questions and concerns. Maybe ill make a Ask.me so it wont be too weird? LOL 

Call me, FB me, IG me, Tweet me, Email me if you need anything. 
Love you and God bless

I'm literally in this place in life where I'm just stuck between my dreams and the reality of my situation. I'm so limited serving a unlimited God and the revelation of this just kills me inside. My whole life I knew I was going to do something amazing, but whenever I think I found the path there I trip and fall. Therefore I always find my self walking back in defeat looking for a new path. If I hear one more person asking me what is my dream I think I will throw up. I know what my passion is, but it seems like mission impossible. I'm scared to say it out loud because it's such a ridiculous dream. But it's my ridiculous dream. It's something that I have carried in my heart as a little girl and athough I can't really say it out loud, I can't throw it away. I'm in love with this dream. It captured my heart and seeps through my spirit. I see my dream in the eyes of my little sister Neveah whenever she cries at night because she wants to sleep with my dad and step mom Joeann. I see my dream when I see my little brother Isaiah walk out the house ready to smoke weed and find his identy in the streets. I see my dreams when I see my mother out side of 7/11 begging me for 2 dollars for a beer. My dreams are too big to put in to words. But if I was to put a title in this dream I guess my dream would be called heaven. Where there is no more pain and suffering. Where you don't have to worry if dad will come back or where your biggest fear is getting a phone call telling you your mother was found dead in the streets. I dream of this place where my family and I can be whole. I can imagine you telling me how there is nothing too big for God. I can already imagine you praying for me. I can even see the pity in your eyes as you try to comfort me. My dream may have been yours. Maybe you know what it feels like and you seen God move. That's amazing, but my dream is more than finding heaven on earth. It's finding me. I lost my identity. Maybe blogging will help me look deeper within myself. Maybe I'll find a home within myself. When it's time to go home with The Lord I don't want to just leave behind my decaying body, I want to have a legacy of my own. A legacy my children's children can be proud of.
What's my next step?
To look to The Lord and his strength, seeking His face daily. Making Him my Father, my Husband and my best friend. Putting my dream is His hands.
I think of creation and how He literally created man with His hands. He could of just spoke Man into creation, but He stooped down and with His hands created man. So if there is any hands I trust with my future I think I'll trust God. I don't think I have it inside of me to trust in man to be here for me again. It hurts to much to be abandoned again. Pray for me. Please keep me in your prayers as I try to not become my mother, father or grandma. Pray God gives me a mother who I can trust. I love you guys:)